well the super bowl is about to come on. i dont really care that much about the nfl-but i am a big tom brady fan. i dont even care if the patriots lose, at least he will look good doing it.

i am so tired. i was thinking about it earlier, and i have gotten a grand total of 8 hours sleep since thursday night. some people can handle that i suppose, but when i dont sleep i am such a bitch (sorry wes). i should have slept last night, but i stayed up till two watching sea biscuit. it was pretty good, but i had to get up earlier than usual b/c i had to get ready to go to heathers surprise party at 1-i could still be asleep right now. but now i must watch tom brady and all the uber-cool super bowl commercials.

i am pretty sure i will write something on here later, but for now, i am off to watch guys get all hot and sweaty and knock the shit out of each other...good times...

                                                                                                hailey

i really love this song...i had an epiphany the last time i heard it, and now it is my favorite death cab song...

The Sound Of Settling

by Death Cab For Cutie

i've got a hunger

twisting my stomach into knots

that my tongue was tied off



my brain's repeating

"if you've got an impulse let it out"

but they never make it past my mouth.



baa bah, this is the sound of settling

baa bah, baa bah

(x2)



our youth is fleeting

old age is just around the bend

and i can't wait to go grey



and i'll sit and wonder

of every love that could've been

if i'd only thought of something charming to say.



baa bah, this is the sound of settling

baa bah, baa bah

(x4)



i've got a hunger twisting my stomach into knots.

i am in a sort of reflective mood this afternoon. today was average..i am a little tense b/c i have to talk to my mom about the whole paul thing and i hate talking about any of my private life with her. i think that she will be reasonable though. i hope so. play practice was hell this afternoon-we had to run the second act like 3 times. ugh..i was ready to kill chad b/c he was being a total dickhead. i dont know, he has some serious control issues when it comes to this play, and i can ell that as things get more tense here in the next week or two, he is gonna have to get over it or get mobbed by the cast.

but yeah (dont ask me what is up with my font b/c i couldnt tell yah)...it was definitely a monday, but maybe tomorrow will be better. we will just have to see after i talk to mommy dearest.

                                                                                                     hailey

oh...i dunno, i listened to this song in my car today and it sort of stuck to me...

Amsterdam by Coldplay

Come on, oh my star is fading
And I swerve out of control
If I, if I'd only waited
I'd not be stuck here in this hole
Come here, oh my star is fading
And I swerve out of control
And I swear, I waited and waited
I've got to get out of this hole

But time is on your side, its on your side, now
Not pushing you down, and all around
It's no cause for concern

Come on, oh my star is fading
And I see no chance of release
And I know I'm dead on the surface
But I am screaming underneath

And time is on your side, its on your side, now
Not pushing you down, and all around
No it's no cause for concern

Stuck on the end of this ball and chain
And I'm on my way back down again
Stood on the edge, tied to the noose
Sick to the stomach

You can say what you mean
But it won't change a thing
I'm sick of the secrets
Stood on the edge, tied to the noose
And you came along and you cut me loose
You came along and you cut me loose
You came along and you cut me loose

a certain weezer song comes to mind this afternoon..i wont sing it for you-although dont doubt that you would indeed be blown away by my awesome vocal stylings-but it tis a good one. i am so emo. god help me.

the parentals gave me the ok to go out with paul..even though it was a stretch for both of them, so now i am just chillin at the hizzle and waiting on the phone call. the boy has no idea how hard it is gonna be for him to impress my folks. i could give a shit what they think...although i am a little leary of discussing his age with them-he is 23, and a few of my friends were kinda goofy over that, but honestly i dont think it makes much of a difference. he is a really nice guy...so far..haha, um, yeah, but i guess i will really find that out tonight..that is if he ever gets off of work. i hate waiting around, which is why i am rambling on and on and on. (*looks at watch, *taps foot)

so yeah, today was nice...average..mrs harrison brought one of her clones into first block. i swear every one of those kids looks exactly alike. anyways-she brought emma, b/c she had to take her to the doctor for congestion, so i played babysitter. i had to run a few errands for mrs. h b/f she left, so i just took emma with me. you get the funniest looks when you are a girl carrying a baby down the hall of the high school...now that would be a good rumor to start..haha..

so anyways, i guess that this is goodbye, i have got to go sit and stare at the phone and wait for my ticket out of this house..be good...i know i will...

                                                                                                      hailey

this isnt the song that i was thinking of, but i like this one more

Love Explosion Lyrics by weezer

take a listen around you all the people that around in your house,
they've
been wanting to kill you in your sleep,

take a load off and bow down to
the others
who love to call you their names

they've been wanting to
kill you in your sleep

and all the bull that people sling.
It doesn't
matter what they sing.

so jump out, jump out,
get your groove on this
one is for you so come on,
get out yer house, girl,
and give me a
kiss.

and all the bull that people sling it doesn't matter what they
sing

so jump out, jump out,
get your groove on this one is for you so
come on,
get you yer house, girl,
and give me a kiss

take a load
off and bow down to the others who love to call you their names,
they to call
you their names,
they love to call you their names.

me why i hate washing the dishes so much ever again-i think that i have finally found the answer...my sink smells like armpits. ugh...i was gonna wash up the dinner dishes this evening, when i was overwhelmed by a need to gag over this rauncious smell. i...of course..checked myself first...had an intense sniff down-you never know, i mean, being a teenager and all you never know what those fucking hormones are gonna do-but it wasnt me....i looked for my brother, he is 13 and still "forgets" to put on the d.o. occasionally, but there was no one else around, and there were no articles of anyones clothing lying around either, so i infered that it was the dishes. i dont know if it is the sink, or the soap or what, but it smells something horrible.i think that that is enough to give me right to boycott slave laboring over the sink for a while. haha-too bad my mother wont see i that way. she will probably just tell me to hold my nose or something...hefer.

                                                                                                          hailey

i can feel my leg hairs growing and i want some coffee..that is all...haha

                                                                                         hailey

here is a song to make this look like it is worth reading:

Naked In The City Again Lyrics Hot Hot Heat

Says she's got it all.
I don't wanna be the one to tell her that she don't.
Late night, in a lonely city...
So hard, she tries to look pretty.
Boys don't even notice her though.
She's in need of attention so...
Lost and naked in the city again.
Intoxicated by a quarter to ten.
Lost and naked in the city again.
Begging for a piece of their attention.

When They Really Get To Know You They Will Run Lyrics Pedro the Lion

my mother made sure to remind me as i was getting ready to leave this morning that "this is not a holiday inn"-and i said " it isnt-well i was wondering where my complimentary breakfast was". i dont guess i can blame her too much though. i stayed at home for all of about 10 minutes when i got out of school yesterday- just long enough to change and reapply makeup/deoderant. i went to jennas, and we both fucked up our hair. i am happy with it though-jennas looks like it is on fire, so that is pretty cool. mine has some bleached streaks in it, then i put some semipermanant red steaks, but i think i am gonna have to bleach those out b/c they are pretty pink and ghetto looking.

last night we went and saw weak music for thomas and daytrader. i met the infamous chris "from daytrader". alan has been trying to hook that guy up with shannon for months now, but she wont bite. she keeps saying "he's balding!". how superficial can you get-oh, and he isnt balding by the way...i think i might just tell her that he is so she will lose interest completely b/c id hate to see a perfectly good guy get stuck with her b/c shed rake him over the coals-and she'll tell you she would. she is so funny, but she eats guys for lunch. she has a boyfriend anyhow. i also met jacob from daytrader-the one who karen and jenna and everyone else have been pining over forever now. it was so funny b/c when i saw him i immediately thought "i know that face-where do i know him from?", and i told alan and jenna and they were ike "oh...you probably saw him at a local show or something" but i told them that i thought that i had seen him working somewhere or something...i just couldnt remember where. i asked alan where he worked i dont remember exactly what he said, but it didnt sound right either. finally i had one of those dawning moments-the kind that only a true pothead can get...where you have racked your hole filled brain in search of something so small... like how to spell "banana"-something you could have found easily a couple of years ago-i knew where i had seen him. now when i tell you this you will know that i am a true weirdo..i cant help it. i have a photographic memory when it comes to faces. i recognised jacob b/c he waited on me one day at sabarros pizza like a year ago. jenna and alan didnt believe me, but alan asked him, and of course, he said he had worked there. i am too good for my own good.

anyways, the show was awesome. weak music for thomas kicks ass, as does daytrader. everyone says they sound like an incubus rip off...maybe a little bit like new incubus-but new incubus doesnt sound like incubus without dirk. i think it is just jacobs voice ( a knock-out voice at that). anywho...yeah that was my evening...

today i chilled at zachs...sat around listened to desaparecidos reggie alk trio and cursive, and talked. it was pretty cool. tonight i am going to wes's/ his cousin logan is supposed to be coming home this evening, and i hear good things. so yeah-looking foward to my evening...you cats be good..

                                                                                                        hailey

Commerce, Tx Lyrics  by ben kweller

i got a bad flavor
i got dirty clothes
i got a strange neighbor
who doesn't have curtains on her windows

i got a pet hedgehog
drinkin' jaeger all day
you got my crate combo and a baby on the way
but it's ok

it's gonna take a lot of time
before i can cross that finish line
and when i can't take the fall
i really wanna make that call

ooh ooh ooh ooh ah ah ah

that's my new best friend
ann disaster's her name
we're passin' out on the carpet
and our attributes are the same

it's the slacker lifestyle
that we do so well
bills are due on monday
i'm oblivious, can't you tell

it's gonna take a lot of time
before i can cross that finish line
and when i can't take the fall
i really wanna make that call

my brain is super-fried
it involves pain to look inside

it's gonna take a lot of time
before i can cross that finish line
and when i can't take the fall
i really wanna make that call

well i am home at last. this weekend has been pretty good. last night i went to wes' and wound up crashing over there. i got over there around 7 i guess...allan and marc were there and we all sat around the dining room table sort of uncomfortably..trying to fill in the silences with drivel about mitch hedburg and thrift stores-you now, the usual..that was interesting. ryan called and asked wes to come and pick him up from work, so we did. allan and marc were planning on leaving soon anyhow, so they followed us over to dominoes, sat out front and talked for a bit, and then we parted ways...wes ryan and myself to wes', and allan and marc to the theater i think.

we got back to wes' and watched donnie darko-the greatest movie ever. i think i have seen it something like 20 times (not exaggerating there), and it is still good. i still get chills at the end.after that we sat in wes' room and had a very intense conversation about mental disorder..drugs..and venting. i dont really remember how it came up, but this conversation was of course followed by that uncomfortable silence that comes after a great memorable conversation. that sense of bonding...so that was pretty blue (nudge* nudge* wink* wink*).

soon afterwards ryan went home..so wes and i stayed up and watched requiem for a dream..man that is a fucked up movie..i fell asleep some time around the part where the mom loses it and use they electro-shock on her. it was like i blinked and the credits were rolling. i guess it is all right b/c the rest of the movie just realy disturbs me ("ass to ass!"-ugh)wes nudged me, and then we watched cartoons and some dating/cooking show on the food network. i guess it was a little after 3 when we finally went to sleep.

this morning i got up-papa steve had made coffee (and you know i love yah for it), and i played with elijah until i had to go home. he was in a surprisingly good mood today. normally he just tells me that i am gay or a douche or that i "smell like a bunghole"-but today he wanted me to come and play simpsons hit and run with him-then we had a wrestling match and i held him down and tickled him until he said i was his daddy. he is really a sweet kid once you get past his initial adhd riddled wildness. he reminds me alot of my brother.

so yeah, that was my day. zach called me and said that he and dave got sprayed by a skunk. i am not really sure what exactly happened, and i think he may well have been high when he called me. there was alot of yelling in the background..which isnt unusual for him...and he had to go abruptly..which also isnt unusual for him. i am sure that that will be a good story to tell tomorrow.

until then i will sit here and continue to add stuff to my blog b/c i am bored..catch you guys later...

                                                                                                      hailey

just for you , and then another song for me and for irony's sake

alison's starting to happen by:the lemonheads

She’d shake it up, was hard to make out.
Now it’s plain to see
I couldn’t cook to save myself,
Found my life a recipe.
I never looked at her this way before,
But now she’s all I see...

Alison’s starting to happen,
Alison’s starting to happen,
Alison’s starting to happen to me

It’s so mesmerizing,
Can’t describe it,
All that inside, hey.
No one’s heard her last name, I ain’t asked,
So, who am I to blame?
An earthquakes started forming underneath my feet today...

Alison’s starting to happen,
Alison’s starting to happen,
Alison’s starting to happen to me

Oh, this world is topsy-turvy,
And it is mine to eat.
She’s the pebble in my mouth and underneath my feet.
She’s the puzzle piece behind the couch, made the sky complete.

Alison’s starting to happen.
Alison’s starting to happen.
Alison’s starting to happen.
Alison’s starting to happen.
Alison’s getting her tit pierced.
Alison’s growing a mohawk.
Alison’s starting to happen to me.

big gay heart by: the lemonheads

Take a look into some big grey eyes and ask yourself
You wanna make ’em cry?
Lookin’ out of them it’s just as well
But you’re gonna live to see I’m gonna ask you why

Either way you got a bone to pick, can’t you leave that to somebody else?
I don’t need you to suck my dick or to help me feel good about myself

Big gay heart, please don’t break my big gay heart
Big gay heart, please don’t break my big gay heart

Why can’t you look after yourself and not down on me?
Do you have to try to piss me off ’cause I’m easy to please?
Why can’t you look after yourself and not down on me?
Yeah while I understand now you’re not with the big gay scene

If you can find a way to add it up,
It might be hard but it might be enough
I’d be grateful, I’d be satisfied,
And you might find in time it wouldn’t feel so bad
After all it doesn’t take that much and it would mean the song to me
For you to lose the part that’s still afraid and not prepared to see

My big gay heart
In the dark, my big gay heart
Big gay heart, please don’t break my big gay heart

Why can’t you look after yourself and not down on me?
Do you have to try to piss me off just ’cause I’m easy to please?
Why can’t you look after yourself and not down on me?
Yeah while I understand now you’re not with the big gay scene

Big gay heart, please don’t break my big gay heart
Big gay heart, please don’t break my big gay heart
My big gay heart
In the dark, big gay heart
My big gay heart, please don’t break my big gay heart

or was he? the world may never know. geeezz...i just got to the hizzle and it is about 7 oclock. we had late practice today and i had to pick up a pizza on my way home to feed the kid brother b/c my mom has class this evening.

so today was pretty alright. i checked out b/f third block b/c i didnt do my homework..haha-senioritis is kicking in something awful. i came home and downloaded some music till i had to go back to the school for practice-mostly some spoon and lemonheads. i have been in a very indie mood here lately-which is good b/c i found out that death cab and ben kweller are coming to town in april! i was gonna buy tickets tonight, but i talked to ashton and stephanie and joie, and they asked if i could wait till tomorrow  so that they could ask their parental units so we could all get our tickets at the same time. i am so excited. that is gonna be the most kick ass concert in forever...it might even make up for the loss i felt in missing bright eyes........nah! but itll be close.i have got to tell ryan and wes...so i can drag them with me. what am i saying-they would probably both suck cock to see death cab..or maybe that is just me....

i heard the most horrendous thing today-fred durst singing a who cover. omg! he is the fucking anti-christ. i knew it all along. i tried to warn you guys but you just wouldnt listen..and now it is too late..

oh man-have you seen the new quiznos commercial...with the singing mexican rat things? now that is some funny shit. i dont think that i could have written a better commercial myself...then again...i could probably just write a better ending to it..that seems to be my fortay. i am serious-if they would just let me rewrite half of the endings to movies these days..the world would be a better place.

alright folks, im gonna go puke up my pizza and take a shower..you guys be good...dont smoke too much pot with your cousin and not call me...

                                                                                                            hailey

Anybody Want To Take Me Home Lyrics

So, I am in the twilight of my youth
Not that I'm going to remember
And have you seen the moon tonight
Is it full?
Still burning its embers
The people dancing in the corner, they seem happy
But I am sad
I am still dancing in the coma of the drinks I just had
Does anybody want to take me home?
Does anybody want to take me home?
Take me to your house, and I'll leave you alone
Of course I will
Of course I won't
It seems so tragic... but it disappears like magic
Like magic

Can you recommend an education or drugs
Because I am bored with you already
I'm on Broadway, and I think it's a parade
I'm covered in pieces of confetti
And I am in the twilight of my youth
Not that I am going to remember
Dancing and slowly finding the truth
And it's covered in coma
All of these people in my life, well they seem so in love
Well, I am not
Memorizing my shoes in a cigarette shop
Does anybody want to take me home?
Does anybody want to take me home?
I'm kinda lonely, will you take me home?
Of course you will
Of course you won't
Of course I'm crass
It seems so tragic
Of course you will
Of course you won't
But I'll disappear
I'll disappear
Just like magic
Just like magic
Just like magic

check these out:

Gossip is always a personal confession either of malice or imbecility.
-Josiah Gilbert Holland

Its a sign of your own worth sometimes if you are hated by the right people.
-Miles Franklin                                                                                                   Passionate hatred can give meaning and purpose to an empty life.
-Eric Hoffer

Hatred is the cowards revenge for being intimidated.
-George Bernard Shaw
You cannot hate other people without hating your self.
-Oprah Winfrey
I wash my hands of those who imagine chattering to be knowledge, silence to be ignorance, and affection to be art.
-Albert Einstein
To be ignorant of ones ignorance is the malady of the ignorant
-Amos Bronson Alcott
The infinitely little have a pride infinitely great.
-Voltaire
The best time for you to hold your tongue is the time you feel you must say something or bust.
-Josh Billings
Never throw mud. You may miss your mark, but you will have dirty hands.
-Joseph Parker
Better an ugly face than an ugly mind.
-James Ellis
In nature there's no blemish but the mind; None can be called deformed but the unkind.
-William Shakespeare

Self-love seems so often unrequited.
-Anthony Powell
One is not born a woman, one becomes one. 
- Simone de Beauvoir
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
-Andreas Gryphius
If it were not for the company of fools, a witty man would often be greatly at a loss.
-Francois de La Rouchefoucauld

Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
-author unknown

                                                                                                     hailey

 so so sorry...bacause i am crazy . i am a big neurotic nutball, and there is nothing that i can do about it. i have always heard that once you become a teenager, you kind of lose it. well i was a teenager for a pretty good streak without a problem-i thought that i was in the clear-but suddenly it sort of just hit me all at once. i can not even put my finger on exactly what the problem is. i guess i have a bit of a hamlet syndrome-no i am not destined to avenge my fathers death-but i am so so indecisive. that was hamlets problem-and he killed himself. well i dont dig the whole suicide scene...i dont like sharp objects or guns...i only pop pills if they make me hyper...and i am scared of heights. i also dont want to die-i just want to have some control..haha...i guess in that aspect of my life i am a bit of a control freak...but in EVERY OTHER aspect i have absolutely no control. i cant help it..i dont know what i want-if i think i know what i want i change my mind, and i have a hard time using the word "no". i hate boys...i hate girls...i love boys...i hate girls, yet i still associate with them b/c they can relate to some things better than guys can. i like attention sometimes, but at the same time i feel uncomfotable when i am given attention by the people i want attention from. i want a boyfriend, but i dont want to have to commit...so maybe i dont want a boyfriend...then again...i dont know. i want to graduate and move and change, but i also have a huge fear of change...i have a huge fear of being alone-but i push people away as soon as they get close enough...i have a huge fear of being misinterpreted by people whos opinions i should never value to begin with...and i dont value their opinion-but it still bothers me. so maybe i do value it...or not really value, but let it eat at me. i love my family-but they make me so fucking crazy that there are days  that i seriously want them to drive off and not come back...not really die, but to just leave me alone...sometimes all i want is to just be alone...i want to wallow in my insanity, and i know the only way to be truly crazy is to not let anyone know that you are crazy-so i tell everyone that i am crazy in hopes that they will think that i am not. i mean-wtf is that? who am i? am i happy? yes...and no..in the normal hunky dory way, i suppose yes..class is easy, im not being raped by my uncle or anything (hint hint lol)...i dont suffer from any eating disorders (hint hint lol)...my friends seem to like me...people in general seem to like me-cept for a few choice people-but really there isnt a soul on this earth who can go liked by everyone-cept maybe clay smith...but he is more of an enigma...isnt that what constitutes happiness-not being happy, being fat and having friends? i just dont know...im restless...or maybe i just drank too much coffee again and my a.d.d. is getting to me in an abnormally large dosage...im gonna go take my night night pills and go to bed...

                                                                                                 hailey