today = shit

                                                                                                                            hailey

good afternoon...well i finally got a few minutes to sit on my ass and vegetate...oh how i have missed this feeling.

how was your weekend? mine was alright...ok...so maybe the first half was shit, but the rest wasnt so bad. my play opened friday night, but general depression coupled with my dads manic explosion 15 minutes before i left to go to the school sort of fucked up the excitement i had had built up. it went well though..no complaints about the actual play. yesterday followed suit..the show was good, and i was in a bit of a better mood after sleeping for 13 hours straight (i can thank my little buddy mr. amytriptolene for that). the show was good..it was fun...now it is over.

last night i got baked with squeeky and wathced donnie darko. i have seen that movie about 50 times-it is my favorite ever-but i have to say that i wasable to see it quite differently last night. it was fun, and squeeky kept alluding to the fact that donnies mom was on horse tranquilizers...good times..so then i crashed at wes', woke up a little disoriented and a lot tired and came home.

i worked a bit on "tobecontinued"...i want to call it a "side project" b/c that makes me feel cool...like an artist..haha..although i know i will never be cool..isnt that right you guys? yeah i thought so..i write for the entertainment of my community around here. too bad most of them dont get my jokes.

alright you guys...im going to go do something other than write on my weblog..its tough..i have a raging addiction, but i am going to try...pray for me...

                                                                                                                                    hailey

ok..so honestly i stole this idea from acenturyoffakers, but oh well..im sure she took it from someone else too..at any rate-these are my favorite lines from the last 20 songs randomly playing on my computer right now...now you guys are supposed to try to guess what they are...haha...and i honestly dont think you can do it without cheating b/c some of them are sort of obscure..have fun.. 

1. "they make all the right reasons to fuck it up-you gotta fuck it up"

2."don't call me pretty baby"

3."i heard he wrote you a song, well so what. some guy wrote 69, and one just aint enough."

4."'dumb' backwards is almost 'mood'"

5. "my whole existence is flawed"

6."i don't get many things right the first time"

7."i hate to say it, but you'll never relate"

8."your tears are only alybis"

9." what does it take to get a drink in this place?"

10."lies can be the perfect things if they never show"

11."i haven't been the same man since i saw you walking in"

12."if i was a bugger, would you pick me?"

13."say fuck in front of your mom, and go to school naked!"

14."you will find the reasons that i cant sleep and you'll still want me-will you still want me?"

15."i think i like it-i know i like it-i like it a lot because it pisses you off"

16."i dont care what you think unless it is about me"

17."help me kill my time, cause ill never be fine"

18."suction cup the numb arms of the elderly"

19."i want youto notice when im not around"

20."now shes a little boy in spain playing pianos filled with flames"

alright kids i am about to hit the road on my way to hot-lanta to see the plea for peace tour...woo hoo! i can't wait to see cursive..if only to scream "your tears are only alibis" at the top of my lungs. i'll be sure to let you guys know how it went when i get back...by the way, david figured out no.12...good going...although i honestly didnt think that that one was that hard....alrighty..be good! i know i wont...

                                                                                                                              hailey

this is the one i want to hear, and te second one is currently my favorite by cursive

CURSIVE LYRICS

"The Martyr"

And so it's begun
This is year one
The birth of a child in the form of a man
Wrapped in towel
Passed out on the floor
These drunken hours -- graces deflowered
Cast down by an angel
She used to kiss his weeping eyes
Depressed in her bosom
Tears roll off her nipple

Sweet baby, don't cry...
Your tears are only alibis
To prove you still feel --
You only feel sorry for yourself
Well, get on that cross
That's all you're good for...

And thusly it ends
Depression seeps in on a lonely messiah
Now he drinks with the lepers
Losing a limb, his better half
A glass once half full
A head hung half-mast
He claims he's the victim
Strangled by the nine-to-five
And a pattern of stillness
That haunted this still life

Your tears are only alibis
To prove you still feel
You only feel sorry for yourself
And that's how you thrive
Your sorrow's your goldmine
So write some sad song about me
Screaming your agonies, playing the saint

The Martyr...
The Martyr...
The Martyr...
The Martyr...
The Martyr...
Oh....

CURSIVE LYRICS

"The Lament Of Pretty Baby"

I saw something I was not supposed to see
A ghostly memory that keeps on haunting me

(The kitchen door was open a crack,
So naively we peeked inside)

Oh, darling sister, have they hurt you, have they hurt you?
Oh, Pretty Baby, they won't touch you
They won't touch you again
We will fix this incident

I don't want to be seen as a pretty thing
'Cause it's the pretty things that we're always breaking...

(And now she whispers into the mirror I'm broken.

Oh doctor, doctor, can you fix me, can you fix me?

Oh Pretty Baby, you're so naive -- but it comes off so cute
We don't want to fix you
We love you just the way you are
The butterfly pinned to the page
The nightingale locked in the cage -- won't you sing for me?
Sing for me, uh-huh
Yeah, we love you just the way you are
Crushed 'neath fashion magazines
Trampled by circus pony dreams -- won't you kiss me?
Won't you kiss me, uh-huh

Oh please, mister, can't you fix me, can't you fix me? (uh-huh)
Someone, anyone, won't you fix me, won't you fix me? (uh-huh)
Oh, someone, please, the moon has raped me
I can feel it inside me
Oh, mama, please let someone fix me!
Let them fix me, uh-huh
Let them fix me, uh-huh

So cry yourself to sleep
Cry yourself to sleep 'cause I am strong and you are weak
Wait, you are strong, and I am weak
Fuck -- just cry yourself to sleep

whew...i am pooped..i dont know why i just used that word, it has always sort of made me uncomfortable...oh well..i am tired..way tired. i got in at about 3 last night, and i had to get up at 10 to go to my grandmothers. i am sore, but i had an awesome time.

so yeah-we left wes' at about 2 yesterday afternoon...got to hot-lanta at about 5 or 6 i guess. i stayed pretty confused with the time change and all...we went to this palce called little five points-which is like the coolest fucking place ive ever been to. that place was crawling with freaks...every piercing and hairstyle known to man...it was great. well we went in this kick ass clothing store, which i plan on returning to when i build up some cash flow from my new job at papa j's, and then we went to this awesome little record store, and they had the bright eyes vinyl boxe set-the only that i asked for for christmas (which i didnt get, by the way). ill probaby go back and buy that too...then we went to this head shop called kloud 9, where we met these two awesome black chicks. we were talking to them, and they told us that they were getting off in 10 minutes, so we asked them if they wanted to come and.....hang out....with us before the show. they were up to it, so we waited then all 5 of us (me wes marc and the 2 chicks) went behind the building where the show was and chilled. one of them had a camera, so she took pictures of all of us, and we gave her our addresses and email address so she can send them to us. she is also moving to birmingham at the end of the summer..so yeah...then we were feeling pretty good...we parted ways and went to the show.

now the venue itself was cool as hell. it was an old movie theater, and they had taken out the screens and put in stages, so there was a big floor area, and then lots of seats.

 the opening band totally rocked the house. they are called decahedron, and i would definitely recomend downloading their stuff if you like at the drive in, b/c they have that sort of edge, but they are different. the guys really really liked them and they bought their cd... 

secondly mike park (you the asian man who runs asian man records), came out with his acoustic set, which was fucking awesome. i especailly liked his song "dont sit next to me just b/c i am asian" which was about how when he was in school people would sit next to him during tests just b/c he is asian...i  think he is japanese, but i could be wrong...but yeah..it would have been a lot better, but there was the JACKASS who was drunk as a skunk who kept yelling out really rude comments...i think he even called him jackie chan at one point. i wish i had been standing next to him b/c i would have punched him in the face. no joke.....

so then we left to get a drink, and when we came back, we decided to sit in the seats. darkest hour came on. they arent really my bag, but the guys like them, so i tried to get into it. the music is really good, but i hate the whole screaming thing for the most part...

during darkest hour's last song, i made the guys get up and go with me down to the pit b/c i knew cursive was coming on next...they were thrashing a little-nothing in comparison to furnace fest, but there was still that weird vibe that seems to waft off of all those pubescent angry boys who are just trying to knock the shit out of each other...darkest hour finished their set, and i immediately started with the "excuse me" tactic to get to the front. i dont know why it is, but if you just say excuse me, and act like you know someone at the front, people will just let you walk all the way up there. i am sure tat that is against some mosh pit etiquette or something, but i dont give a fuck, i am not there to make people happy, i want to get the full experience.

well i was pretty much at the front when they started, and buy the time they played art is hard, i was leaning on the stage, singing at the top of my lungs. they played the martyr, so i got to fullfill my fantasy. i was getting so into it the bass player kept laughing at me. they finished and i was just totally rushed.

we waited for maybe half an hour, and all the bands came out...cursive first. ah....(*stares into space momentarily)...and i got to meet tim kasher. that was so fucking awesome..and he is a lot younger than i thought...not to mention a lot better looking..marc took a picture of the two of us, but i half to wait for him to mail it to me, then i will post it. i felt bad for tim b/c there was this one drunk guy and this one girl who were just bawling and blubbering to him...it was the most emo fucking thing i have ever experienced, and when i got to talk to him i was like "dont worry, im not going to cry...yet" and he laughed. it was awesome. he signed my shoe and so di  greta their cello player. she was really cool and got me and marc and wes onstage to look at her cello..

so yeah...then we talked to mike park. i apologized for the jackass, and he laughed. we all got a picture with him and he signed my shoe to. i want to buy his cd when i get some cash...we also talked to decahedron and darkest hour, and they all were really cool...it was an awesome night..

so yeah, now i am here..it mother's day and i am a horrible daughter b/c i didnt get my mom anything. she knows im broke though. i wouldnt know what to get her if i did have any money...oh well..

alright kids, sorry i bored you this long...

                                                                                                                                hailey

CURSIVE LYRICS

"The Farewell Party"

"Bon Voyage"
And promptly he hung up the phone
There was a doorbell ringing
So he snuck out onto the terrace
He said "If these were my last words,
would they even make print?
If all I had to say was simply over said
by those old heretics."
These words are counterfeit
Xeroxed off of memory
And no one's listening
Hey

Twilight dawns
All the champagne is gone
All that's left is left behind
Doorbells, still lives

"Since you're leaving
was it a hollowed out heart?
It seems like you've been yearning for some wordly position.
Somewhere you can curl up in a little ball."

It seems the world collapses
In the mother's womb
The place of birth
Where we're all condemned
It's the warm, sad, jaded end
Starving for salvation of a terrace
Drunk, tired, and alone
Farewell dead skin

These words are second-hand
They're dry
They're cracked-plastic lies
They're cheap old whores
Who wasted their lives
In search of the warmest womb

joey is back in town for a month...uuuggghhh...not good...not good at all...i foresee much craziness coming up....pray for me...

                                                                                                         hailey

well...how was your day? mine was pretty good, and i didnt even feel the need to flee from school before fourth block. school is winding down. i signed my last transcript forms and what not..i can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

when i got out of school, i came home and got ready for work. i started at papa john's today, and i am pretty happy with it. the people there are really cool, and i think it will be a million times better than winn dixie, although the pay is less. i answered the phones a couple of times, which was nerve racking, but i definitely think it'll be alright...

then i came home. i got 3 cards/graduation presents, and i racked up 150 bucks...in ONE DAY. how freakin' cool is that? pretty freakin' cool if i dont say so myself...

alright, well i will leave now...and i will leave with this thought: "sometimes people get exactly what they deserve"...ah...how pleasant...

                                                                                                                     hailey 

today.

well today, as of yet, has seemed off. maybe it is the weather. it is so fucking hot and humid here that you dont want to do anything but sleep and watch horribly trashy television. unfortunately for me, i only got to do that for a small portion of my day. the rest was spent on the road.driving around.

i dont want to talk about my day, so i am not going to. what i do want to talk about is driving on the interstate. whilst traveling towards montgomery today , it occurred to me that some of my best times were had on the interstate. just riding along with a group of people, not even talking necessarily...just staring out the window in one of those comfortable moments when the music is good and everyon is drifting on thir own plane in their own head, but you are all connected. perhaps it doesnt even become evident until that really good song comes on and everyone reaches to turn it up. i love those moments, and i love car talks...i must say i have hatched out some of my most ingenius plans while just riding around, and i have had some of the best talks with people while in a car.

i am leaving this town in a couple of months. in some ways that is a wonderful wonderful thing...there are some people who i dont care about ever seeing again, unless they are cleaning my house or cutting my grass, or doing some other thing that lets them know that i am better than them. i know that that is childish or what not, but fuck it, im being honest here. i want out of my house, and i want away from my insane bipolar jackass father. one quite the other hand, however, there are a lot of things that sort of sadden me. as much as i call, and as much as i visit, i know that some things will never be the same-sitting in wes' livingroom with him and ryan watching sesame street...hearing every single detail of every day...i am going to miss a lot of stuff...and that sucks.  

i have to work tonight, but i am off tomorrow, and i am going to make the most of it...haha...gotta make a few more stories to talk about when i come home to visit.

                                                                                                                            hailey 

Velvet-Underground's Lyrics - Candy Says Lyrics

(reed) Candy says I’ve come to hate my body And all that it requires in this world Candy says I’d like to know completely What others so discreetly talk about Candy says I hate the quiet places That cause the smallest taste of what will be Candy says I hate the big decisions That cause endless revisions in my mind I’m gonna watch the blue birds fly over my shoulder I’m gonna watch them pass me by Maybe when I’m older What do you think I’d see If I could walk away from me

my life feels like an independent film. the days are long...i spend a lot of time thinking random thoughts...the characters are all very tragic in their own way..and there is little to no plot. at the end of the day i am left just feeling tired and relatively empty. occasionally cool stuff happens...like tonight i took ryan and wes to sonic-and they were both under the influence so they got out of the car and danced to "dont worry be happy" and wrote crude things on my dirty car...but mostly i just dont feel much like a human being. it is hard to explain really. i know i have emotions..i mean i suppose that i am expressing them right this second...but nothing feels real enough to me. i cant begin to explain it b/c i dont understand it myself. yesterday was my last day of high school...ever...and i thought i would feel bad or realize really the extent of everything that was happening, but i just couldnt, and it wasnt b/c i was overwhelmed with feelings of joy, i just wanted to leave as soon as i got there..i didnt really care about any last drawn out goodbyes, but i sort of made myself for the sake of everyone else. that is like a lot of things in my life-there are a lot of things that should make me feel happy or sad or bad, and i just dont, so i fake it. it is crazy. i hate being so fucking apathetic...

but anyways, so yeah i am done with high school...besides that actual grad ceremony and what not...i have worked 3 days this week, and i think i like my job, but as with most things, it will probably fade..i am supposed to be planning a going away/last hurrah party for ashley b/f she moves, although i have no idea what to do, and i got really high last night.....really REALLY high...i thought that i was on fire...and that is my life. it is boring and i am losing it....

                                                                                                             hailey