exhaustion i could work more, but i think might die. i think i would rather die. its just damned depressing..to have the good sort of weekend that i did..a lot of lying around..a lot of watching tv..a lot of hours between the sheets..and then i have to wake up sunday night and head back to the clock. i am too young to feel like i am middle aged. the money is finally sort of starting to come in. my tv is calling it quits..the volume button changes the channel and the closed caption spells expletives out to me when it shouldn't even be on, so i am going to have to replace it. we casually looked at some flat screens over the weekend. i may be able to casually buy one in a week or three. i think danny was a little floored that i have been able to save money, but my theory is this. he will not save it. he is going to spend all of his money on food (which is good, because i eat food, but he buys/eats A LOT of food) or vitamins or some other health crap, so i might as well let him continue to do that, while i save some money and get non-renewable resources..like a tv (or our diningroom set..or our couch..or pretty much all of our furniture, which he eventually paid me back for). i happen to be very good at saving money..and, unlike him, i can live without eating 7 square meals a day. i am good with wheat noodles and italian dressing..if that's what i have to do to make some money. but working sucks. it wouldn't suck so bad, but working two jobs is pretty much what i figure hell is like. i am tired when i go to sleep. i am tired when i wake up. i am tired when i go pee. i am tired when i eat lunch. on the weekend..there is about a 6 hour period when i am not tired..but that too passes..and i am back to the pits. i have headaches every day. i get so tired that i can't really eat because i feel nauseas. it just isn't healthy, and my weight is yo-yoing all over the place. oh and, ladies and gentlemen, i am bloating and bitchy, which can only be the symptoms of yet another problem i have on my plate presently. i thought i would be full time by now, but my bosses mother got really sick and he left to stay with her for 2 weeks...came back for a day...and then she died. now, from what i hear, it has already been a week, and it could be another before he comes back to work, and i know that he isn't in ohio thinking of how everything is stinking here for me back in alabama. and my second job just blows. nuff said. i want:a full time position at the station. i want:to get off work and to be done with work until the next day. i want:a raise. i want:a gym membership. its top priority after the raise. mostly..i just want to go home and crawl in the bed.

4.8.08 13:37 Permalink / comment

i think as a kid, it is hard to fathom life with no summer break..no christmas break..basically, no holidays at all. look out kids. it blows. i admit, some weeks are better than others, but i supposed it is the first time i have truly experienced my days blurring together. my week is honestly like a very long day that ends on saturday..and restarts on sunday at midnight. i know it is just because i am working nearly 70 hours a week, but, if i didnt, i would still need money come bill time. i got a ticket yesterday..from a bicycle cop. it was pretty lame. i am dipping out of here a little early today..then going to work some more somewhere else. then i will go to bed and do it again. there's a full moon tonight, so breaking news is nearly certain.

18.6.08 15:35 Permalink / comment

love may be fair. it may be kind. but it isn't easy.

16.6.08 08:59 Permalink / comment

back to hitting the gym. its all i can do.

10.6.08 07:55 Permalink / comment

braced for mistakes yep. that familiar slowing of things. the fog rolls in. and i fall down the rabbit hole. here we go. "the past sometimes takes you with soft hands and all that surrounds you will fade."

9.6.08 19:11 Permalink / comment

red eyed i was miandering through the newness of ye olde 20six, and i came across something that amused me..my first blog.  my first blog ever, was on 20six, in july of 2003..mostly dealing with how my mom had made me mad (some things never change), and with how excited i was to be going to furnace fest. furnace fest was this screamo/hardcore show in birmingham..and was the first time i ever hung out with marc and wes. who knew? since then, i have about 74 pages listing different blogs that i have written on here. bizarro. anywho...i am sleepy this morning. i let myself, once again, get all out of whack over the weekend. it is just pretty much impossible to make myself go to bed at 4 on the weekends. i just can't stare into danny gilmore's little puppy dog eyes and tell him that i have to go to bed, so that i can get up at midnight and sit around by myself. so i stayed up all night every night, watching the freaks and geeks boxed set. speaking of danny..he was bit by a spider last weekend when we went camping. it sort of festered for a while, and then yesterday, i got to it, and you would not believe the sheer amount of disgustingness that squished out of it in oranges and yellows. today it looks really bad, so i am making him go to the doctor to be put on antibiotics. i am hoping i can slip out of the office with the excuse that i have to take him. maybe then i can get a nap. here's to wishing.

27.5.08 13:55 Permalink / comment

fancy free wowsa..it is 4 in the morning..and we pretty much have the show wrapped up. i had black tea this morning..and a cliff bar that apparently contained green tea in it. i am so hopped up on caffeine right now that i could probably run all the way to prattville in my high heels. speaking of which..bought a lot of shoes over the weekend cause i finally got paid. have on some GLORIOUS steve madden flapper-style brown heels with little buttons on the sides that i got on sale for under 40 bucks (and thats a bargain if you didn't know it). i also bought some egregiously brightly colored onasuka tiger tennis shoes (teal, purple, and orange in a fabulous array for my footloose pleasure), and 2 pairs of flats from target. sadly, i can not spend another dime. i found out this morning that i won't be getting a refund check, which means i have to pull over 500 dollars out of my ass to pay summer tuition to troy. good thing i work 2 jobs and have nothing better to spend my money on (like say paying off my car or putting a downpayment on a house). i am particularly annoyed because the only reason i dont get the money is that i am a student. nevermind that i work for a living just like everyone else (and probably a whole lot harder that a lot of the bums blowing their checks on big screen t.v.'s and their baby mommas-yeah..i said it). i will prevail! as far as i can tell steve and possibly one other person are the only ones who ever read this. that is good though. i feel more at ease letting secrets slip. like this one. got a dress in the mail at my mom's place yesterday. its white. and, depending on if it fits properly, it may be pretty important sometime in the future. marking 2 years in less than 30 days. don't be jealous. i am happy.

22.5.08 10:12 Permalink / 1 Comment / comment

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